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i played 3 hours of piano today.
im happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.


my life is twisted. full of irony.
not in a good or a bad way.
in a neutral sort of way.

i think of it as a drawing on a piece of paper.
we all begin, with a blank slate. every little event in our lives is an added stroke, or an added detail to this drawing. each new chapter of our lives, theres an additional drawing. what is so special about this piece of paper is that it is limitless. it is so huge, so varst, that you cant see the end of this piece of paper. and you, me, all of us, are the artists of our own pieces of paper. the drawings can look exactly the way we want them to. but it takes practice. it allows mistakes. because it is done in pencil. we can fill this piece of paper up to any extent we want it to be, with thick and thin lines, with gestural drawings, with well shaded drawings, or we can fill it minimally, such that at the end of the day, it still remains, very much, a blank slate.

what would your piece of paper look like?

right at this point in time,
ive been meeting people. new people. its a great time for meeting new people.

my piece of paper has many recently added drawings, some already extremely fanciful ones on their own, some of which i am still hoping to build on into something more. on top of that, my piece of paper has many drawings that have faded away, due to age, and due to the fact that there wasnt a coat of fixative in the first place. some of these drawings have been resurrected, thankfully, while others are beyond repair. some newly added drawings are being badly erased. such that there is still a hint of a pencil mark. i left them there, perhaps, for a purpose. such that if there is ever a need, or a want, i can trace over them. and they would look almost as if they were never erased in the first place. almost. but if there were more and more drawings that need to be added, i will, one day, inevitably draw over these pencil marks. but even so, these pencil marks can never be fully removed. they are like scars on my piece of paper, etching, wedging themselves so deeply into the paper that it leaves a mark that lasts. but the drawings over my pencil marks will be beautiful. they will be so mesmerising that one day, i will be so absorbed by their beauty that i forget that there are actually pencil marks beneath them.

you know what i mean.
only two people will know exactly what or who i mean.
im in such a metaphorical mood today. i actually sound quite deep haha. not blogging about shopping or eating. this is one of those days where its so easy to write. everything just comes out, line after line, word after word.

anyway,

i dont really want to know of my admission decisions to US universities, many of which i will only know in april. because so what if i get accepted? i cant go anyway.

you know when i checked my decisions for carnegie mellon online, it went like,

1. school of the arts, major: fine art - accepted

YES!

2. school of humanities and social sciences, major: psychology - accepted

YES YES!!

3. bachelor of humanities and social sciences with focus on art program - accepted

i was really like, YES YES YES YES my dream course!! a double major in art and psychology!

but a minute later reality started to sink in. in my mind i was still coming to terms with the fact that i got into my dream course combi which only accepts 15 students a year but i could literally feel the sinking feeling in my stomach.

because i cant go.
its 80000 sg a year for god's sake. multiply it by four its the cost of a 4 room flat.

oh well.
so basically if i dont get a scholarship it doesnt make a difference whether i got accepted or not.

actually im not very sure how i got in either. it was the first application i did and the deadline was 1st dec so my common app essay was crap. just wrote one for the sake of sending it in. i rewrote it for the other apps. i think ill put my essays here one day. i kinda liked some of them while others were total crap. my favourite essay was "whats your favourite word and why?"

so basically my life is twisted.
the expected turn out to be unexpected while the unexpected turn out to be, well, unexpected.


shopping this week!

with pris. i bought a gold dress from mphosis and a nice jacket. at a super huge discount.
today,
with abby. bought belts and earrings from clubmarc at super huge discounts as well.

happy =)

went swimming just now.

bingxin posted the photos i took in IP1 using her phone on facebook!! now i regret taking so many photos of myself using her phone. SO UNGLAMM okayy. lol

went for Les Contes d'Hoffmann on tue.
it was an opera in french. but there were subtitles.
it was a dark tale.
about hoffman and the three loves of his life.
all the main characters died in the end.
i liked it.

i wanna go for more concerts! =) especially piano recitals. and violin. and other strings music. and jazz. and everything else.


went to nus open house ytd.
it made me even more confused.
when i spoke to the socio student, i wanted to do socio.
but after i spoke to the psy student, i wanted to do psy!
then i spoke to the industrial design prof, i think hes italian. so cool right. then i wanted to do industrial design.

so basically i changed my mind three times. within an hour.
how can they make a 19 year old like me choose her career path at such a tender age? haha.

anyway i found a roommate (my roommate found me) before i even enrol in nus. or got accepted for that matter.

abigail genevieve tan is going to be my roommate.
she who has a dog called princess chichi medelle tan bao bao.
she who has an msn nick called - must love pink (: the best job for me: princess NOT taitai (:
she who bats her eyelids like crazy, and speaks in a voice that will make your hair stand, at times.

i foresee my room to be all pink. it will be like, a pink exhibition.
i will invite all you anti pink and pink loving ppl to come see my room.

and i will definitely update on my blog, the series will be titled "Living with a Bimbo" .
you can call it a social experiment.
how fun.


anyway today i was with pris for only 2 hours! cause she forgot that she had tuition. haha
we went shopping and bought nice stuff! i bought a jacket and a dress, from outfitter girls and myphosis! they were at ultra discounts. only 20 bucks each! original price was like 80. yayy. happy. haha.










=)


my A levels were like shit.
seriously.
academic wise, i wasted 4 years of my life.

i got a freaking c for art.
should have just done a painting.

i got into goldsmiths afterall. and goldsmiths is one of the top art schools in the uk.
how can a top art school accept me while cambridge give me a c for art?

now i just need to find the money.

or else ill just study psychology locally.
went with enqin to the education fair just now and now i kinda wanna do psychology =)


went out with bx on fri. had dinner and wanted to watch movie but no ticks =(( so we ended up shopping. each of us bought two pairs of shoes!!

sat was extremely fun and eventful.
had lunch with bx, ziyin and baoru at carls juniors yet again.
then had tea with ms ting, ms lim my geog teachers and my geog class at tea party!
i think they liked our batch a lot. haha

after that we went for dinner at marina. we had such an interesting conversation, enqin, andrew, peixin and me. we really talked about everything, from army bedding to what guys talk about (according to andrew its girls, sex and games most of the time in which we wildy exclaimed that girls NEVER talk about sex), from singapore policies (enqin and i were just like huh? different wave length haha) to marriage, from what it was to have innate attractiveness to everything else under the sun. i think it was one of the most interesting conversations i ever had in my life. thats how interesting it was =)

sun.
i went to the library in the late evening.
and then.
i sat at coffee bean. for the first time in my life, not to study, but to just READ A BOOK.
and drink hot chocolate. and eat cheesecake.
and have some me time.
its extremely relaxing.
you should try it too all you A level ppl. since we are all so darn free and have nothing to do.
we should do all the most ridiculous things right now.

before we go to uni =)
and do even more ridiculous things.